Don’t do this

If you want me to buy an ad, don’t send me an email like this.

Dear Damian,

Further to gaining your contact details as representatives of your Website’s Webmaster program, I wanted to send this email to introduce my Website and enquire as to whether their is any synergy between us working together to promote your products. PurelyNSFW (www.purelynsfw.com) is an adult blog which offers the reader the hottest Not Safe For Work content. Our site has very strict content policies ensuring quality and constantly seeks the feedback of the reader to ensure our following grows in terms of both new and repeat visitors.

We also run a strict advertising policy with no popups, popunders or other, what we would term, sharp practice. We also host all of our own galleries and content. This means our readers enjoy simple content that they can trust. No spyware, malware or malicious code whatsoever.

In terms of advertisers, we look to ensure we do not bombard the reader with to many ads as we believe this lessens the impact and therefore results. This means that when we do run a campaign the click through rates are much higher than average.

We are now looking to expand the advertisers we work with on a prepaid and PPC basis. We are able to offer bespoke campaigns with content to match the product or site being sold. From straight banner ads to full campaigns sponsoring some of our popular series, we have the popular content to attract the sales to you.

Visitor numbers for PurelyNSFW.com are in the many thousands every single day, providing a pretty decent Alexa ranking usually within 60K – 100K for USA readers and lower for parts of Europe.

If you are interested in discussing this further, please either reply to this email or you can also contact me on ICQ 620790064.

Thanks for reading.

Why not see if I have anything I’d want to advertise on such a site, why not ask me if I am advertising anywhere, why not JUST ASK SOME QUESTIONS.

People trying to sell things to people they don’t know, who don’t know a THING about the person they are selling to = fail. Always. Fail.

iCloud for Porn

Seeing the excitement The Jobster weaved into iCloud, is there anything porn could learn?

How about a porn locker? Say it’s a tube. What if you could store all your favourites in a cloud locker you could access on your PC, your phone, your PS3, whatever.

Anytime you wanted, your favourite porn clips instantly accessible?

Sounds good to me…

Cool creative

Interactive ad

Love to do something like this for porn at a trade show…

Email Critique

Paul Markham says he doesn’t understand porn marketing online, and he really doesn’t.

I’m going to review an email he sent out to perspective B2B clients:







1) Display name “newsletter”
Now, this isn’t really that hard to get, but sending out ANY email and SELECTING to put “Newsletter” as your display name will not get your mail opened. Why not use “Paul Markham”?

2) Subject Line “50% discount on both stores”
Almost guaranteed to get delivered to spam folders. Don’t put words like ‘discount, 50%, store, saving” etc in your subject line. It looks like spam. Well, in this case, it is spam, but you don’t want to point this out to people

3) Sales text

“50% off orders over $300.
Having a special Summer offer, 50% off all orders over $300 for 30 days.
Even on the special offer packages, get in fast.

And moved more videos and sets to Bargain Basement.

Paul Markham”

The copy is weird. Looks like someone is writing it on a phone, the sentence structure is clumsy and it is full of grammatical errors. Sounds like someone with English as a second language wrote it. And it is centered, in a small font. Oh and there is NO CALL TO ACTION!

Whatever you do, however bad your copy, always remember to ask someone to do something otherwise there’s really no point.

So something like:

“To combat summer slowdown, I’ve decided to offer my best clients an incredible offer. Half price content. Yes, a whole fifty percent off the world famous content I produce. Spice up a tour, boast a members’ area or create some hot new banners. And save yourself 50%.

Order now, offer must end in 7 days.”

4) Design

Now, this is the real doozy here. There isn’t any. It’s just a very long email with a dozen images on. Now, note there is no continuity in the images. Some have the text Paul clearly put on himself in MS Paint, and some have nothing. None have a call to action on. Simply putting “click to see the set” would be a start.

Also, but the images in a table (yes, a table, with email you need to design like it was 10 years ago in order to guarantee the design looks the same in all clients), and put 5 thumbs in a row.

And the MOST important thing, is again, there is no call to action at the bottom.

a) A timer with how many days are left.
b) Order now to get 50% saving
c) No catch, no con, this is a real saving, click here

Just three ideas that would increase the clicks more than having NO call to action.

White space is usually something I applaud in design, however, in this case, it isn’t elegant white space intended to make a product have breathing space to shine, it is just bad design.

5) Opt out

Paul’s call to action at the end of the email is actually asking people to opt out:

“Are you getting this Newsletter TWICE ?
Then you’re in the database twice, return one and ask us to fix it.
If you think this is “SPAM” and no longer want to receive updates about our site.
Return this email with “DELETE” in the subject line and we will remove your name from our list.”

Aside from the obvious grammatical mistakes here, this is how he ends the mail. Same font as the sales copy at the start.

Opt outs should be there, but should be SMALL. And not part of the body of the mail. And not the call to action.

If only the mail had been split tested, all of the components that are wrong here could have been spotted and removed.

Remember kids, it’s just the internet

Quick tip for this merry Monday morning.

Remember, that porn forums are not real life. They are not something you should let annoy you.

If someone posts snark aimed at you, they are trying to get a rise out of you. So if you respond by attacking them personally, lying about them and libeling their business, they just realise they have masterfully controlled you into being annoyed and posting proving you are annoyed.

If you just laugh at them and point out how obvious their trolling is they tend to stop.

Remember, life is too short to actually get annoyed about what someone you don’t know, don’t care about, and don’t like thinks about you and what you enjoy doing.

x

Make your sig interesting

Two second tip.

I just posted my sig on the zoo, and got 12 clicks in 10 minutes.

I changed it to read:

Evolution from free porn? How about PAYING surfers to join your site…

So, it’s not tricky. It’s like twitter really. Make it interesting and people will respond.

Don’t make up words, Degban, you multifold surfacial discovery forest!

degban snake oil

Degban, the popular anti-piracy snake oil peddlers are back to the boards!

This time, they are making up words!

Any idea what the following mean:

Surfacial, Forest (as in content discover forest), Multifold, Automaton, Deep Web,

Me neither, so I asked them. And they admitted they make them up.

SNAKE OIL PEDDLERS LISTEN UP

If you are trying to gyp a tech savvy audience, don’t try and bullshit them with make up stats, made up words, made up technology. It won’t work and makes you look stupid. Rely on making up stuff about happy customers you are unable to name and propietary software that does things you cannot explain. Makes you look MUCH less moody.

HTH

Damian

Disruption

I'll pay you to watch my porn

I like the idea of disrupting a market.

Porn went from paid for to free.

Where else can it go?

How about paying someone to join your site? Bare with me…

Someone on the zoo is offering $3 per email address. So, what if you could pay the punter 2 bucks to join your (free) site? You get the three bucks for his email address, keep one and pay the surfer 2.

OK, not a fortune, but…

What about what you could sell them? You’ve got all the usual ad real estate on the site, but you’ve got his email too. So sending a once a week newsletter full of aff links, I’d push that $3 the email is worth to more like 10. You pay 2 to the punter, get 1 and the chance to upsell him a whole lot more.

Anyone done anything like that before?

getpaidtowatchporn.com is available

#Twitterfail

fail

First in a new series where I highlight mistakes people are making, imho, and try to suggest better things they could do in order to get more out of that they are doing.

Today:

http://twitter.com/redacted

Have a read through.

OK, first off, it looks like a B2B account to sell people the idea of a pay per minute website. Great. So what kind of business insights are here?

Just got the best birthday gift from my son – a certificate of excellence from his headmaster lol

and

#millionpounddrop – I’ve survived 4 questions with £1,000,000. Can you beat me? http://www.channel4.com/drop

or

Just arrived in beautiful Barcelona and am enjoying a coffee in the sunshine…

Now, don’t get me wrong, there is nothing at all wrong with posting personal information about your kid or what you watched on telly, but have a think to yourself why ANYONE you are targeting would want to read that.
SOLUTION: create a personal twitter account to post personal stuff

That’s not too bad. But what IS bad is when you allege you are into technology, and your grasp of how Twitter works is on a par with my dead Grandmother. Viz:

Hi Jane, would be be interested in hosting a conference call with your UK followers? LMK – thanks!

and

Thanks for the follow :-) Do you use skype? If so, please add me (redacted) – thanks!

You don’t post DMs in your timeline. And if you do accidentally, you bloody DELETE THEM!

Everyone has to learn how to use a new technology, but make sure you actually delete your mistakes!

Like with Digg. OK, many of us have tried to use Digg, few have gotten it right, but if you submit a story yourself, and NO ONE AT ALL diggs it, I’m not sure I’d draw attention to it, viz:

redacted.com | FREE Pay Per Minute Phone Site | FREE Live Phone Chat Website | FREE Website http://redacted via @Digg

The other posts from this account are all read like a spambot:

Make money with your own pay-per-minute website :-) http://redacted.com/Aff-Link/71/39

Stop. Think. Why would anyone want to read that?

There are a few approaches you can take to twitter marketing. But one of the basics is to make posts you think someone would want to read.

I would recommend this user starts posting interesting things related to his site and offer. Anytime there is a pay by phone story for ANYTHING, post a link to it. Anytime there is a story about credit card decline, credit crunch, etc, link to it explaining there is an alternative. Anytime there is a story about paysites being in decline etc etc.

If you want to post the personal stuff, you could, but make it funny or interesting. No one cares you are having a coffee. I’d recommend you put that on a personal account though.

So, really, as with all marketing, it’s common sense. I could precis this to “write stuff you think people might want to read”.

How to get more clicks on your sig than Paul Markham

disgusting old pedo

Paul Markham in a hilarious stalky move, decided to put a link to a video I made in his sig. The anchor text was something along the lines of:

See Fat Stupid Loser LOL He is STUPIDLOL!

Or words to that effect.

Over the last 3 weeks he has sent that video 25 clicks. Yes, 25. In THREE WEEKS.

Sigs are like email subject lines. Make the copy interesting and people will click. I made mine

Read how I got a 56% click through rate in an email

And it has had 486 clicks, and generated 780 page views.

So, the lesson here, is to make your sig something people would want to click on. And lo and behold, they will click on it.