Why can’t you do something like this at a show?

Ikea paris


So, Ikea wanted le frenchies to sample their sofas. So for a week they have put them in some train stations. Oh la la. Bloody clever.

I am not suggesting having a wall of fleshlights for people to shag, but something more interesting to do at a trade show to get attention to your brand…

Think on’t.

Predictions for the web for 2010

Gaping void

Thanks to my lovely mummy for sending me this. And to the lovely Hugh Macleod for drawing in the first place. And being great.

Why Brad from Mojohost is clever

Tell me a story…

Some people read a marketing book and think that to make an ad you list good things you do. Meh. Everyone does that. It’s dull. No standout. No differentiation. Same old bullshit. “We are market leaders in x.” “We have the best widgets in SoCal”. Sigh. It’s REALLY hard to come up with effective ideas for adverts. And to be honest, listing some things you do well isn’t really going to cut it with skeptical porn professionals.

Let’s look at hosting, for an example. If you are a porn hosting company what could your Unique Selling Points (USPs) possibly be?

  • You are rarely down
  • You have great support
  • You have wicked cool data centres

Not much else really. To be honest. there isn’t anything else. It’s a hosting company. Essentially really, really dull. It’s a room for of boxes. Why should anyone really care? And most importantly, why should anyone tell anyone else about your hosting?

What you need is a story. Something someone can tell someone else quickly and easily.

So, let’s pick Brad from Mojo as an example. What could he do to make a story worth telling?

He’s already doing one of those things. He wears amazingly cool shirts his kids made for him at trade shows. This is clever on a number of levels:

  • He is instantly recognisable (branding)
  • He is a family man (trustworthy)
  • He has a story you can tell people (marketing)

Bro 1 “He who the fuck is that crazy camp dude there with the hand prints on his shirt?”

Bro 2 “Dude, that’s Brad from Mojo Host, he is wicked cool and excellent. His shirts are made by his kids. And he always buys loads of rounds at the bar. He is fun and trustworthy, let me introduce you.”

See the story?

See how it’s more likely the other person will want to talk with Brad, and then find out why Mojo is different from the others?

That’s a ‘Brad as Brand’ example though. You could just as easily pick a story of how a Mojo tech went the extra mile to help a client. I’ve heard lots of these. It could be an ad campaign on its own. Someone was doing a migration, old host was a nightmare, Mojo sorted it. Or…had megashit virus, fucking everything up, worked with Mojo techs and they sorted it. Or…your site gets on TMZ and in seconds Mojo have prepared the tech back end to support this increase in traffic. At 4am. On a Sunday morning. Etc etc.

It’s about the story. How easy is it for you to tell your friend why they should switch host?

I’ve told Brad before that his ads are the same as the other hosting companies, and that he needs to differentiate. But, truth be told, he does differentiate. By being Brad.

I host with him because I trust him. He didn’t pay me to write this.

How do you get people to talk about your company?

OK Damian, markets are conversations. You said that the other day. I get that. But how do you make these conversations happen? How do you make your product worth talking about?

Simple. You have to be remarkable. Literally, remarkable. Worth remarking about. Have just ONE thing that is worth someone telling their mate about.

It is very easy to say “Just be great at something and it will all work out fine for you”. It won’t. You can’t just build it and hope they will come. Or cum. They won’t. You need to make people tell people. You need to work out who the people are that are likely to talk to other people for you.

I am a mac fanboi. I willingly evangelise about Apple products all the time. I explain about the fact Macs have had right click on the mouse all the time. Point is, for free. I do Apple’s marketing. For free. So, what does me wanking off about iPhones have to do with porn? Let me explain.

You need to find people like me, but for your brand. Seth Godin calls these people ‘sneezers’ in his great book The Idea Virus. People that will spread your idea. Spread your story. Tell other people your story. Explain why what you do is good. Start with the surfer forums. One of my clients, 3wayscash, has mainly softcore babe sites with the stars of the topless late night TV shows that are legal here. (Yes, legal hah). There are forums where fans talk about the girls. I lurked, I read. I saw who the prolific posters were. Who were the fans. I contacted one, I asked him to post the free pics we give out in the newsletter every week onto this forum. He was happy to. Made him look cool. And this thread is now 50+ pages long. It has thousands of views. It converts to sales. How much effort is it for me to maintain? None. Why are you still reading this and not doing this yourselves? I don’t know.

That is just one example. There are lots. You need to seek out someone who likes what you do, and simply ask them to tell their friends. Bribe them if you like. Give them some content zips. Some BTS footage, whatever. Just get them to post it for you. That endorsement is worth a fortune on the right surfer board. Any questions, let me know in the comments.

Can I fuck you, pretty please? With sugar on top?

Seth Godin coined the phrase Permission Marketing and in porn it is even more essential to understand than any other industries because of the immensely personal and private connection vendor and buyer has.

The idea is simple. Nowadays, Interruption Marketing is dead. We are faced with ads everywhere. All over the web, TV, posters, bus tickets, even the pavements. Because these ads are everywhere, people have stopped paying remembering them. Worse, mainly people don’t look at them. Worse still, DVRs and adblockers etc have made it so people don’t even SEE your hand-crafted, beautiful ad. So what can you do? You can try asking permission to talk to your potential audience.

You try and turn strangers into friends and friends into customers.

Or, you do what you are doing at the moment. Shout at them BUY PORN. And they, oddly enough, don’t bother. Imagine you are at a singles bar. Your current approach is to run up to every single girl and literally SHOUT in her face “CAN I FUCK YOU?”. Funnily enough, she says no.

My approach is to go up to them and smile. Ask their name. Ask if they would like a drink. Have a chat. If you get on, maybe ask for her number. In a few days, call. Ask her to dinner. Get to know her, have a nice meal. Maybe a kiss at the end. Then another date, then on the third date, you seduce her and have great amazing sex.

Which approach is more likely to get your nuts wet?

I have found through much experimentation the best way to get this permission, to get them to put their hands up, is through email marketing. But how, I hear you both cry, how do you do that? I shall explain. You bribe them with something. Simple.

It could be a zip content folder. It could be a exclusive video clip. It could be a pair of knickers. Anything. You say:

Hey Potential Customer, I know you are really busy and all, but I would love to send you some FREE PORN PICS each and every week. And, I want you to realise that we are a lovely porn company, so just for signing up, I will give you a GIG of free pics and videos. Just to say thanks.

And then you send them the content. And then you send them, once a week, a newsletter that has one gallery and one movie clip. (And lots of sales messages.) That’s it. It’s not even hard. You ask permission to mail people, they give you permission, you then mail them. You never spam them. You never give, rent, sell or fuck with their privacy.

I have used this approach at Playboy UK and for the last 2.5 years at 3wayscash.com. It builds up lists that break all the rules and stats you know. For usual mainstream email advertising a good open rate is between 10% and 20%. A good response rate is 1 or 2%. With these newsletters I consistently get open rates of 40%-50% and response rates of 25%.

People asked for the email. You send them the email. They respond to the email.

It sounds patronisingly simple, because it is. It’s just that very few people do it. It takes some time to build up a list like this, sure, but when you have them there, they eat out of the palm of your hand.

If you would like help on creating an email strategy for your business, get in touch.

Adult marketing productivity tip

Hey kids. Happy Tuesday to each and every one of you.

Here’s a tip. Write to do lists. And do the things on the list. Genius eh?

Oh, and use this amazingly good mac and iphone app to help you.

Adult Industry Marketing

Yes folks. It’s what I do. And my free tip today is all about marketing for the adult industry. Not really. It’s about a free keyword tool I heard about on This Week in Tech (a great mainstream tech podcast). It’s called WordStream and it seems quite interesting. Since the free overture tool got killed I have been using this free keyword tool.

You put in keywords, it gives you suggestions on what to put in your copy to get more Google Juice.

What do YOU think is the best free keyword tool for bloggers out there? Let me know in the comments.

What you don’t get about Twitter.

Years and years and years ago some dudes called Doc Searles, Chris Locke, David Weinberger and Rick Levine wrote The ClueTrain Manifesto . You should all read this.

Markets are conversations. It is how you converse with your audience. It’s not about shouting BUY MY PORN HERE. It is about finding out who your audience is, and building a relationship with them. Then selling to them. Then giving them what they want and looking after them. Interruption Marketing is dead. Banners don’t work for a reason. People don’t even SEE them. Neilson wrote about banner blindness years ago. And more recently did eyetracking studies to prove his ealier assertions:

So, what has all this stuff got to do with Twitter? Everything. You can use Twitter as a broadcast medium, and just effectively advertise on it. However, it’s a poor medium for that use case. Search results are only cached for a couple of weeks. in 2008 there were in excess of 3 million tweets a day. From the massive increase in usage since then, we’re probably looking around at least 10 million tweets per day now. So the likelihood of being discovered buy chance are virtually zero and your tweets do not hang around for long. So if you want to gain attention, the only effective use case for twitter is to build community. To engage in conversation.

Twitter is a way for you to have a conversation with your audience. A way to build up their trust. A way to make them feel more at ease about becoming your customers. I am both amused and saddened by people who think that splogging ping.fm with blog posts that are site updates are doing any marketing.

Imagine Twitter is a bar full of your target audience. Now, imagine they’ve all said to you “OK, you can talk to us about stuff whenever you like. We might well want to talk back to you too.”

What do you say to these eager new bunnies? You give them a list of site updates!

Chris_CE07 RT @pornshopstories: *NEW* Tales from the Porn Store: #73 – http://www.talesfromthepornstore.com

exaporn in car with italian mature http://tinyurl.com/yfaclth #porn #video #nsfw

freeporn_hd Free Porn Tube HD: Free HD Sasha Von Porn Movie – Babe fingering her cumhungry pink sha.. http://bit.ly/bVxQBv

freakporn New Porn!: Japanese Girl gets Double Fisted http://freak-porn.org/extreme/japanese-girl-gets-double-fisted/

Or you speak in bad english, in the third person.

julia_chanell Welcome to all Julia Chanell Fans. We start today our Fan Club in Twitter too and will inform about the hot French Pornstar !

Then you get the ones that get it. http://twitter.com/kayden_kross really seems like it’s her talking. (NB, it probably is, I just don’t know that for a fact – pls comment if you know something!). She replies to fans, she lets people know what she’s up to. It’s interesting and brilliant.

And http://twitter.com/danadearmond who is genuinely funny in her tweets. (Who wants to hire me? I would Like to spend your money. Thanks.) (The hardest part of my day is figuring out what day it is.)

It’s not tricky. It takes 10 minutes per day. Look at your twitter page now. Is there any reason ANYONE would read it out of choice? Does it offer interaction? Does it allow conversation? Does it amuse, inform, entertain or engage? If not, why don’t you try again, and this time, try and do it a bit better?

How to fix a high bounce rate

What is making your surfer leave?

Remove it.

How do you see your site like a surfer?

http://www.attentionwizard.com/ very smart tool that works out where people will look.

How important is a domain?

After a matter of a couple of months I’m now number one on yahoo for “adult marketing’. I am 5 on google for UK traffic for “adult marketing”. And 34 on all of google for the same term.

This is with NO effort on my part aside from posting content.

I tried to game another domain I have, www.sussexmagician.com with that, I made what I hoped was REALLY big seo keyword placement. That is now number 5 on google.com.

This site, however, has no gaming. I am not (aside from this post) putting ADULT MARKETING all over the place. I am just posting useful (hopefully) tips.

So, when someone tells you they are SEO experts and will charge you 2039812 dollarpounds to “SEO YOUR SITE”. Laugh at them and just go and buy a good domain.


Good domain, good title tags, good page names, relevant and frequently updated content.

Fly my pretties!

EDIT – I am number 4 on google Turkey for “www.gotsex.com” from a list of review sites I posted. Genius! Hi Turkey!