Pilot episode of PornBeer is now online

So, I thought I’d try something new. Well, I’ve not seen it before. But essentially it is a video podcast reviewing porn sites. It will feature interviews with porn stars further down the line. It is meant to just be a mildly amusing show with two guys drinking beer and chatting about boobies.

Head on over to www.pornbeer.com for the pilot shonky episode.

Apologies in advance for the lighting, sound, editing, content and shameful ripping off of Diggnation.

However, if you have a site you want reviewed, please get in touch.

How to get people to click on a banner ad

It’s simple really. Do stuff that no one ever does in a banner ad.

This is all stemming from Seth Godin’s excellent Purple Cow book. In that, he basically states that all ads are failing because everyone has seen them before therefore they do not react when they see them. In fact, they don’t actually *see* the banner ads according to Neilson’s banner blindness theory.

So, what do you need to do? Just do ANYTHING that porn ads don’t always do. So you can start off by ruling out things:

- no tits or ass
- no eye bleeding colours
- no CLICK ME blink tag stuff

Imagine you are a surfer. What would catch your eye?

How about something like this? Not seen on porn sites. Unusual.

removed-banner-idea

Adult B2B ads are even harder. Because porn webmasters are even more jaded. However, for the 3wayscash.com affiliate programme I managed to get a banner clicked on around 400% more than other ads. How? When you pay for the first month retainer for me working on the marketing and PR for YOUR site, I might tell you. If you ask nicely.

How to take control of a trade show for no budget

It’s a common problem. You want to get attention at a trade show but there is no budget. So what do you do?

Employ me to do your adult marketing, obviously!

I created an entire marketing campaign for 3wayscash.com featuring an entire fake brand called Cash In Envelope. 3wayscash wanted to push the brand name and sign up new affiliates. Here is how I helped them get more affiliates.

Cash In Envelope was a made up Russian payment processor where people sent you cash in an envelope. I bought the domain and set up a microsite. I made up an intro video:

I contacted Eric at GFY and he agreed to me having a fake nick on the board. I also posted on several other small boards as IvorCashInEnvelope a few weeks before Webmaster Access Amsterdam. The usual “THANKS FOR THE INFO’S” nonsense posts.

The plan was to bumrush the cocktail party at WMA dressed as Ivor, with 3 helpers. So we did. And it worked. I gave out envelopes, hand stamped with a rubber stamp with the domain and real fake rubles inside.

JFK took pictures.

Cash In Envelope take over WMA

Cash In Envelope take over WMA

The boards roared with laughter. The show roared with laughter and traffic to cashinenvelope.com went up dramatically.

Actual, measurable proof that the stunt worked:

Traffic spike from trade show activity

Traffic spike from trade show activity

I released a video after the show of Ivor talking with various industry luminaries:

Getting attention at an adult trade show

Getting attention at an adult trade show

And the video created more of a buzz on the boards and even more traffic to the sponsor site, 3wayscash.com.

And the cost? Almost nothing! The Tshirts and taches were 50 bucks. The people were free as they were staff (and my noble, lovely, obliging girlfriend).

If you would like to talk to me about how to create a trade show buzz for your brand, please get in touch now.

Hello world!

So, what’s the site about? Porn marketing. Simple. I help you make more money selling porn.

I will:

– help you acquire new members, keep the members you already have and help you win back cancelled members too

– help you develop a (and this is crazy) marketing *plan* with goals, milestones and KPIs you can measure my success by

– help set up deals for you with different sites around the world

And in this blog I will give you free tips and advice you can use improve your adult marketing efforts. So subscribe. That’s free too.

PS Thanks Geezer

SOPA

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Sorry

Sorry if you are getting comment spam with this URL in.

It’s not me doing it. I imagine it is a man called Marion who pretends to be girls on forums whom I outed and got banned from GFY recently. He is clearly trying to get my sites blacklisted for spamming. However, it doesn’t impact me at all as I get very little type in traffic. It’s all direct links.

So, just let akismet do it’s thing, and we can all move on!

 

Tripit

So, I use tripit.com to keep a track of all my travel. It’s a great little website/app if you don’t know it. I recently gave it permission to ‘talk’ with gmail. I booked a flight earlier from Krabi back to Bangkok. Got the receipt from the airline mailed to me. Then a little later, Tripit mailed me saying they’d seen my mail from the thai airline, and have already added all the details to my Itenerrereary for the next trip. Fucking smart idea that.

Now the point is, what could a porn site do that would be as cool? What could you give a customer that would make him tell someone else about how cool the service is?

“Hi we noticed you watched a video on your mobile from us. As a thank you, here’s a link to where you can download a bigger version you can save to your PC if you want to see it on a bigger screen. Have fun!”

What could *you* do for a customer that would make him think you cared about him?

The problem I think our industry is in is not about piracy, or tubes, it’s about spending 10 years trying to fuck over the customers in any way we could.

Maybe a solution would be to try treating them like the gods they are?

Pow.

Signed up the awesome Tofu to do some guest blogging here. If you don’t know him, you will soon. And he writes very well. You should be bloody grateful I tells ya. I give you all this FOR FREE!

 

Email Profiling

Someone posted something at the zoo that I was about to help them with. They seemed fairly stupid, but I could sort something out for them quickly.

Then I saw they had an AOL email address and I decided not to mail them because they are clearly very fucking stupid.

So yes, I judge people based on email addresses.

 

:)

How to market on forums

OK, so I’ve not met anyone from Brokerbabe. Seems likely they are all fat men pretending to be girls. The name is odd. Anyway, a few months ago they spammed a forum called B&B. There is a section there for spam, but they chose to spam the main forum. The admins changed their post to a silly picture, as they do with spammers and we all moved on.

But they came back, with a different account and did it again. Same thing. Admins kicked them off and edited the pic again.

Now they’ve come back AGAIN and are STILL doing it. I tried to help them, and they just spammed more.

This really is a fucking stupid thing to do because you’ll end up alienating the very people you wish to do business with.

Now what you should do is this:

1) Lurk on the forum for at least a few weeks. Read the board. Get a feel for it.

2) Post responses to popular threads, just joining in like a normal person.

3) That’s it.

Don’t spam, don’t try and ignore the admins, don’t be a cunt.